Tales From The Git Keeper: The Wild Goose Offer

I interviewed for a job and got an offer. I only learned the terms of the offer a week into the job. Maybe “job” is a strong word since I also wasn’t getting paid.

sign pen business document
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Beginning

A recruiter and I start talking and decide I’ll interview for a position. The phone screen goes well. The in person interview goes well. The recruiter tells me they are putting together an offer and I dedicate the rest of my mental energy trying to decide whether I want the job or not.

The recruiter is part of one of those third party recruiting companies. Normally this would be a “bad recruiter” but this time we became sort of friends. The fact that neither of us worked for the company trying to hire me was actually a bond rather than a divide after this mess.

The day I interviewed was the 26th of a random month in the year, say December. On the 3rd of the following month, January, I was leaving the country for a 2 week long trip.

Make Me An Offer

On the 28th, two days after my interview, I was called up by the third-party recruiter to tell me they loved me and wanted to extend an offer (her words, not mine). They appeared willing to meet all of my unorthodox demands, like part time hours and flexible vacation. All I needed was the HR department to extend the official offer.

Both parties were aware of my upcoming vacation and assured me the offer would come in on the 1st of January, 3 days before my departure. Just one thing: I needed to apply to the position officially through their Workday site. Workday, like every other HR related software solution, is no fun to use. Whatever, I can jump through hoops, I thought. Even hoops where I’m given a random string of numbers as my user name. Thanks Workday.

According to the company HR contact, my application via Workday would cause a cascade of recruitment dominoes, triggering NDAs, pay set up, offer details, and various other employment necessities. With my application done, I narrowed down my list of things to negotiate depending on the offer details and waited.

Your Offer Got Lost In The Intranet

As the days passed and my suitcase was getting packed for my trip, I suspected I should have my offer but didn’t. I emailed the third-party recruiter for an update. You might wonder why I was still talking to the recruiter. Why wasn’t I talking directly to the HR contact? The answer is simple: I was never put in touch with the HR department. My only conduit to the Borg was via this recruiter. Luckily, we enjoyed working together and continued to bond over how dysfunctional the company was.

Back on track: the recruiter responded in less than 5 min with minimal punctuation that this was not okay and I should have had my offer days ago. At least I knew they didn’t secretly change their mind and ghost me. This triggered an investigation on the HR side to figure out where my offer was and why I didn’t have it.

A Canary Can’t Fail If There Are No Canaries

Background: a “canary” is a software term to describe a simple test or check to show something is working, at least basically. It comes from the phrase “canary in a coal mine.”

As I was on my cross-continental flights to a tropical paradise, the recruiting and offer debacle was beginning to unravel. The first hitch: most of the HR department was out of the office on a retreat or conference out of town so they weren’t as available to respond to candidates requesting their offers or third party recruiters trying to figure out where the offers were. The second hitch: the IT department decided the best time to migrate to a brand new HR system (i.e. Workday) is the week that the HR department is out of the office and not around to detect errors.

The message routed to me via the recruiter: “We just migrated to Workday and something went wrong so we aren’t sure where your offer is.” I requested they send a PDF version so I could at least review legal terminology, employment restrictions, and negotiate sooner rather than later. This seemed reasonable to me and my recruiter friend so we waited with the expectation that this offer would come along in an hour or two.

Do You Really Need An Offer?

By this point I’d already decided my trip was more important than the offer and proceeded enjoy the tropics. Every once in a while I’d ping the recruiter for an update on the offer that hadn’t come in and she’d say she didn’t know what the hold up was. This went on for a few days, bringing us to the 8th of January, a week after I was supposed to have my offer.

The HR contact, now in a long and confusing email thread with me and my recruiter, sent me my “offer”: a number describing my pay along with a annual bonus tier. I mean, I guess that’s a offer, in a sense. However, a job is more than pay. What about moonlighting policies? At will employment? Vacation? Health benefits? Anything? At this point I still had my wish list of negotiation points but nothing to negotiate against.

My recruiter and I chatted over a call when I had reliable Wi-Fi and agreed this wasn’t much of an offer in terms of details. There wasn’t even anything to sign, no legal agreement laid out. I discussed with her my negotiation criteria and she said she’d make it happen. She thanked me for my patience, responsiveness, and lack of complaint while the company was unresponsive, off track, and generally a mess.

I Could Be A Murderer

During the last days of my vacation, around the 18th of January, we agreed that I would start on the 30th of January. This seemed fine. I spent some time in limbo until the 25th when I realized I hadn’t been asked to do a background check. Who in the world is going to ask for a background check? People who are paranoid and want to make sure they aren’t immediately ejected from a new job because of an HR mix up.

I gently reminded HR that my start date was less than a week away and was there a criminal background check I needed to fill out? Response: Well, shit, you mean you didn’t get it already? I guess we have to manually trigger that Workday workflow and since none of us know how Workday works, it will take a few days.

Background checks can take up to two weeks and this was 5 days before my start date. I mean, I don’t mind if you don’t do a background check. I also don’t mind if you push my start date back. Could you just get your shit together?

Am I In The Right Place?

After the vacation ended, a sort of verbal agreement fell into place about my offer. I had given my start date and it seemed to be on track. Except for one thing: why hadn’t I signed an employment agreement? I’m not saying I like signing things but every other employer had one that outlined all the ways I could be fired immediately. Or sued. Or burned at the stake. It seemed important.

Right up until the day before I started, we still hadn’t figure out whether I needed to sign something or not. The HR department claimed I had accepted my offer in “the system” and I maintained that I had never signed a thing, though I’d be happy to do so once something came my way. As it turns out, the system had a few more problems.

When I started, they expected me the week after. That just meant that I had to fill out real paperwork for proof of eligibility of employment instead of the digital versions I was supposed to have gotten a week before I started. No big deal.

Oh, and you won’t be able to access any of your benefits. Hold on: I haven’t signed an offer, I’m not technically active in your system, and I have no benefits. Is this volunteer work or employment?

It’s just the new system, don’t worry about it.

Day 2

My second day of work, the HR department set up a meeting with me and my manager to discuss my strange obsession with the lack of employment agreement. I told them I develop software outside of work and wanted a guarantee that there would be no legal intellectual property infringement or that my software wouldn’t default to their ownership. The answer: “We have no such restrictions here and never have. Even if we did have them, we wouldn’t pursue them.”

Uh-huh. I didn’t believe it but couldn’t do anything about it. Well, on the plus side, I still hadn’t technically signed anything so I’m fine. Right?

Welcome to Company X

I’d decided to let go of this “signing a contract” business and move on. Until my second week. Workday blasted me with an email storm about all this legal bullshit I needed to sign. You are restricted in the software you develop outside of work. You will be immediately terminated on violation of the following work policies. You must fill out proof of employment. You can’t drink at work. All those signature requests finally came in, a week after I started.

I was pissed off. What kind of HR department doesn’t know the legal bindings of an employment at their company? And directly contradicts them? All I could do was send a passive aggressive email to HR and my manager explaining to them how there were legal documents I needed to sign and I likely didn’t see them because of the incompetence of HR and the poorly timed migration to Workday. Boo.

Volunteer Work

Finally, all this offer, recruitment, and legal agreement stuff is put aside and I got down to work. One, then two, then three weeks went by and I was getting the hang of things. Everything seemed fine. Until I got a few credit card bills and went to check my bank account where I had set up direct deposit pay. No money. Okay, maybe I hadn’t been here for a full pay period yet.

I checked the pay schedule on the HR site, which was a rabbit hole adventure through SharePoint, Workday, ServiceNow, and custom internal sites. It looked like I was due pay for 2 pay periods, almost 3. Huh. Well, it looks like I’m not getting paid.

I sent a message to the HR department through their online ticketing system and got this response back: “Your paycheck will be in the store.”

Background: This job was in the technology department of a retail company with several physical stores. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I don’t work in a store. Either way, this begged the question: if I don’t work in a store, where is my paycheck?

What about the mail room? Surely, if they said “store” maybe it just meant “employee location”. I went up and down the building floors in search of something that looked like a mail room. I found something like it near the IT department but I don’t think they even knew of me in the system. At this point, that’s not surprising.

Finally, with a week gone by of me searching for my paychecks, I went to my manager.

Manager: Are you okay if we cancel today’s 1:1?

Me: Sure, there was just one thing I wanted to ask you about though.

Manager: Okay.

Me: I’m not getting paid…

Manager: What!? We are getting to the bottom of this right now!

*Walk to the team Admin*

Manager: Hi Admin, we have a bit of a problem *looks at me*

Me: I’m not getting paid.

Admin: Oh my God! That’s awful!

Manager:  Do you know anything about that?

Admin: I don’t really handle pay or anything. You’d have to talk to HR *turns to neighbor* Have you heard anything like this?

Neighbor: What is the problem?

Me: I’m not getting paid… I mean, I set up direct deposit over a month ago and I haven’t received anything.

Neighbor: Oh… you know, when I joined a year ago they sent my first few checks to the reception desk. Nobody told me about it and it took a while to find where they went. It might be worth checking there.

Manager and Admin: What? Why would they do that and not tell anyone?

Neighbor: *shrug*

Me: Well, I’ll go check and if not, we can escalate to HR.

In retrospect, this whole interaction was a little funny. How many times had I said “I’m not getting paid?” and it seemed like my coworkers were genuinely concerned about this problem. I went to the reception desk on another nondescript floor of my office building and asked if they had any mail for me. Voilà: there were all my employment checks, ready to be dropped into my bank account and swiftly redirected to pay my credit card bills.

By the end of all this, I was finally getting paid, I knew the legal parameters to my employment, and I had a firm distrust of HR and related software systems.

What I Learned?

  • There is always a legal contract to sign that should be presented before employment no matter what HR and related systems tells you
  • Always check your first pay period and verify you get your pay instead of waiting and draining your savings to cover bills your pay should have been covering
  • Dealing with incompetence creates a bond through struggle, even with a recruiter

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s